Oculus (2013)

Directed By – Mike Flanagan

Screenplay By – Mike Flanagan & Jeff Howard

Cinematography By – Michael Fimognari

Starring Karen Gillan & Brenton Thwaites

104 min.

I would like to say fuck you Mike Flanagan, fuck you hard sir. What Mike Flanagan does is have you sit in the kitchen while he makes a delicious steak dinner with mashed potatoes and vegetables only to burn every fucking dish so that they are inedible. I would have been way happier with a damn grilled cheese and tomato soup if it meant you weren’t going to fuck it up so badly. Oculus is a burnt to the point where you can’t put it in your mouth and chew steak. It should be delicious. It should be an incredibly satisfying meal, but only disappoints you in the greatest way possible and makes you go hungry, salivating wishing for that oh so delicious steak dinner.

I was even skeptical about Oculus to begin with, yet for an hour I was set-up to change my mind. Flanagan laid out the ingredients for me and I was extremely pleased with the steak and mashed potatoes that I saw in front of me. “Oh a deadly mirror that has been killing people for four-centuries and now two orphans who have a dead mother and father because of this mirror are all grown up and are going to destroy this mirror like some badass ghost killers?” Okay, I’m in, I’m definitely in.” But what do you do, you son of a bitch? You fuck it up so completely that it makes me sick to my stomach. You not only don’t show any epic showdown, the same showdown that you set-up during the first half of the movie you mother fucker, but (SPOILER!) you let the fucking mirror win, again! It’s already won, it killed their parents. So fuck you sir.

Why, what’s the point? To say that evil mirrors always win? Who the fuck are you? But you don’t even show the mirror win the second time, you only show us how it won the first time, which is called a “flashback” you fucking moron! The third act of your movie is a flashback! A dizzying, headache-inducing flashback!

I hate you Mike Flanagan, I hate you a lot.

God Bless America

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